


Recovery

by Aceofstars16



Series: Memory Loss AU [2]
Category: Star Wars: Rebels
Genre: AU, F/M, Memory Loss, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-10
Updated: 2017-03-10
Packaged: 2018-10-01 23:07:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,868
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10202888
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aceofstars16/pseuds/Aceofstars16
Summary: The second part of the Memory Loss AU. In it, Ezra is going through therapy to regain control of his arms and legs. During this he also learns to trust Zeb, and when Sabine returns from her family, she tries to help Ezra remember in the best way that she can.





	

**Author's Note:**

> [Tumblr post](http://aceofstars16.tumblr.com/post/157931678083/recovery)  
> [Fanart of this fanfic](http://aceofstars16.tumblr.com/post/158054390753/starbird-art-i-know-its-hard-but-you-arent) by [starbird-art](https://starbird-art.tumblr.com/)

Ezra hated therapy. He hated how much his body hurt. He hated how his legs still didn’t seem to work. But most of all he hated how little progress he was making. Hera told him he was doing well, and even the doctors agreed. It wasn’t fast enough for him though.

_At least my body is getting a little better_ , he thought to himself as he lifted his arm shakily into the air before lowering it down again.

It had been a few weeks since he had woken up, or at least that’s what he assumed. Counting the days tended to make him feel even more depressed, so he had given up trying to keep track. But despite the time, his memory was still a blank. Hera had told him stories, tried to fill him in on different missions he had gone on. But it felt like she was telling a story about someone else for as much as he could remember. Kanan had talked with him a few times as well, but as much as Ezra felt like he should trust the man, there was something about his clouded eyes that shook him. When he told Hera, Kanan had started wearing a green mask when visiting, but something still felt off to Ezra. The blank in his memory couldn’t suppress the feeling that Kanan wasn’t supposed to be blind…

“Focus, Ezra.”

Hera’s calming voice shook Ezra out of his muddled thoughts. And he sighed and shook his head. “What’s the point?”

A sigh escaped Hera as well and she gently grabbed Ezra’s hand. “I know it feels hopeless sometimes Ezra, but you are getting better. You have to keep fighting, I believe in you, Ezra. We all do. You have to believe in yourself too.”

Her words sounded good, Hera almost always had the best encouragement, but that couldn’t fix him. It couldn’t heal him any faster.

“Tell you what. If you keep up with your therapy, maybe I can convince the doctors to let you come aboard the Ghost for a few hours.”

That got Ezra’s attention. He didn’t remember the ship, but Hera talked about it a lot. It was where he had supposedly lived for the past few years. “Do you think it could trigger my memory?” Ezra didn’t want to hope, but he couldn’t completely quell the excitement in his chest.

“It might,” Hera said, giving him a smile he had learned to recognize. One that was meant to comfort or encourage others, while hiding the doubts she was carrying.

It was just another reminder that he wasn’t the only one who was distraught at his blank memory. He knew Kanan was effected, and he guessed Zeb was too, though he had only seen glimpses of the Lasat a few times – mainly because he still creeped Ezra out. But that didn’t mean Ezra had been blind to the looked of hurt on Zeb’s face at being shooed away.

“Come on, let’s try those exercises one more time.”

Once again, Hera brought Ezra back to reality and he nodded. Visiting the Ghost might be a long shot, but it was one he wanted to take, even if it meant having to suffer through more seemingly useless therapy.

* * *

 

The Ghost wasn’t like any ship Ezra had seen -or at least not any that he could remember- but it was impressive in its own unique way. Hera and presumably the rest of the crew had helped make it more friendly to his hoverchair, which he would have to use for the foreseeable future, possibly forever if his legs never healed. But at least he could use the controls to lead himself around so he didn’t feel entirely helpless. His memory on the other hand, was still a blank even as he moved about the ship. Not even his old bunk – which he had apparently shared with Zeb – sparked a memory.

Despite that however, Ezra was glad to be away from his recovery room. It had grown stuffy weeks ago, and while he had been able to go outside a few times, this was the furthest he had been and it felt slightly freeing. After a few hours of exploring the ship, he found himself pleading to Hera to live aboard the ship. Even if he couldn’t remember, being able to see the place where he had supposedly had adventures helped him feel a little better. Even the possibility of seeing Zeb couldn’t damper his enthusiasm to get away from his recovery room.

Hera and Kanan had been all for it. The nurses took a little more convincing, but eventually Ezra was allowed to move out of his room. He was given Sabine’s old room – a member of the crew he didn’t remember, but who he had heard plenty of stories about. It was a colorful room, almost a little too colorful, but it was a welcome change from the blank walls of the recovery room.

It took a little while to adjust to the change in routine. Ezra still had to do his exercises and visit the med center almost every day, and he still had to use his hoverchair to maneuver around, but it was nice to feel like he had some semblance of control in his life again. He didn’t feel half as helpless anymore. He could do things on his own again, even if he couldn’t do everything he wanted to…not yet at least.

Another adjustment he had to make was seeing Zeb on a daily basis. The Lasat still scared him more than he would’ve liked to admit, but he tried his best not to show it. From what he had seen, Zeb never did anything that put Ezra in danger, in fact it almost seemed the opposite. Not that Ezra wanted to hang out with the alien or anything, but after a few days he got used to seeing him walking around the ship. That is until fate decided to change that as well…

“Oh you’ve got to be kidding me…” Ezra muttered as he stared up at his hoverchair, floating a few feet away from him. He must have forgotten to lock it down last night and when he had tried to scramble onto it, the blasted machine had drifted away and resulted in him falling on the ground. Pushing up with his arms, he crawled towards the chair and reached up to grab it, only to have it float a few inches away.

“Kriffing chair…” he muttered to himself as he ran through his options. His best bet would be calling for help, but he hated feeling so helpless. Maybe it he could grab onto one of the dressers he could pull himself up and…then what?

A swooshing alerted him to the opening of his door and he quickly looked up, relieved that someone had come into help. But when he saw who it was he froze.

Zeb was looking down at him in surprise, but as he saw the worry on Ezra’s face, he tried for a smile – even though it didn’t really make him look less intimidating.

“Need some help?” He asked in his gruff voice.

“No, I’ve got it,” Ezra said. Even though he could deal with seeing Zeb, he didn’t want to be indebted to him, even if he could use the help.

Zeb sighed and glanced at Ezra, and then the chair. “Look, kid. I know you don’t…like me,” the last two words seemed almost choked out, reminding Ezra had in the past he must have actually cared for the Lasat. “But I won’t hurt you. Here…” Grabbing the chair, Zeb pushed it closer to Ezra before activating the lock.

Ezra looked at the chair as he mulled over his predicament. He could probably pull himself into it if he really tried – though his arms weren’t nearly as strong as they could be – but even as he reached for the chair, he hesitated. Over exerting himself was one thing the nurses always warned him against, it could set him back from the improvements he had made.

A movement shook Ezra from his musings and he saw Zeb stepping hesitantly closer, an arm stretched out in an offer of help and assurance that he wasn’t a danger. Looking at the Lasat, Ezra took a deep breath then sighed. He may not trust the large alien, he may even be a little scared of him, but Zeb had given no indication he would hurt him.

“You’re a little too far away to help,” Ezra said, using a little bit of sarcasm to help distract him from the fact that he was willingly asking for help from Zeb.

The Lasat seemed surprised at Ezra’s words as well, but he crouched down and helped lift Ezra onto his chair, stepping back carefully once he had done so.

Taking a moment to calm himself, Ezra looked up at Zeb and felt the semblance of a real smile growing on his face. “Thanks, Zeb.”

A smirk grew on Zeb’s face and he nodded. “No problem, kid.”

Things got better after that. While Ezra still occasionally got a little tense around Zeb, he willingly spent a little more time with him. Occasionally Zeb would even sneak Ezra an extra space waffle, or would take him to a nice spot outside of the Ghost to just relax and listen to music. He would also fill Ezra in on some of their missions, even telling him a story about how they had ended up stealing a tie fighter on a supply run.

It was a nice change for Ezra. But it also reminded him of just how much he didn’t know, how much he couldn’t remember. He wanted to remember more than anything. But while he could go to therapy to help his body, everyone was at a loss as to how to help his mind.

One member of the crew did have some ideas though.

Sabine’s return to the Ghost was a welcome surprise for almost everyone. While Ezra had heard stories of the artist, and had even talked with her a few times over comms, he still didn’t know her. She would be someone else he would have to get to know, have to learn how to be comfortable around…and have to disappoint with his lack of memory. While they tried not to show it too much, Ezra knew his predicament wasn’t easy on the crew. Bonds that had once been stronger than steal were fragile, only slowly being rebuilt. Any sane person would be hurt by that. So, when Sabine arrived at the Ghost, Ezra was more nervous than anything, afraid to disappoint yet another forgotten friend.

What he hadn’t been expecting was what kind of effect she would have on him. Seeing her in the flesh for the first time, Ezra found himself dumbstruck as just how beautiful she was. The holo didn’t do her justice, and her smile was ten times brighter than he could’ve imagined. Ezra didn’t realize he was staring until Sabine’s voice broke through his shock.

“Oh, please tell me we aren’t going to have to go through you acting like a love-sick loth cat again,” Sabine said, looking at Ezra and rolling her eyes, an amused smile on her lips.

“Uh…what? No, I uh…” Ezra fumbled, not quite sure how to respond. He didn’t remember acting love-sick, he hadn’t even heard stories of him acting that way. But as he looked at her, he couldn’t suppress the slight elation he felt.

Sabine’s smile was replaced by a frown at his response and she glanced at Hera. “He really hasn’t remembered anything?”

Ezra’s shoulder’s slumped at Sabine’s response, and the sad look she gave him when Hera confirmed that he didn’t seemed to remember anything. But then she gave him a small smile and rested her hand on his shoulder.

“Don’t worry, Ezra. I’ve got some ideas that might help.”

Sabine’s ideas turned out to be her paintings. She spent hours painting scenes, people, places they had visited, all while recalling every detail that she could. It didn’t spark any grand revelations - Ezra still didn’t remember anything - but he would be lying if he said he didn’t enjoy spending time with her. The way she got sucked up in her work and how she put a unique spin on seemingly common objects was amazing. He could watch her work for days on end. And with as much time as she spent painting, he often did.

Then one day, Sabine mixed it up.

“Here,” she said, holding out a paint can.

Ezra narrowed his eyes but grabbed it. “What’s this for?”

“I’d think you’d know what a paint can is by now,” she said as she grabbing another can before adding a few details to one of her older pieces.

“Haha, very funny. I mean why did you give it to me?” Ezra said, absent mindedly fiddling with the can as he watched her work.

“So you can paint,” she said, looking at him for a moment then pointing to a bare patch on the wall.

“And what am I supposed to paint?” Ezra asked as he maneuvered his newly decorated chair closer to the wall. His legs were on the road to recovery, but he still had quite a way to go before he could walk again. Right now he could only stand for a few minutes, and that was with support.

“Anything you want.” As she spoke, Sabine continued to work, but she glanced over and gave him a smile. “When we were out in the field, I’d sometimes stop to paint. A few times you joined in. Your signature mark was a loth cat.”

“I don’t even remember what a loth cat looks like…” Ezra muttered quietly to himself as he focused on the bare patch of wall and painted a line on it. He wasn’t sure what he was even doing, but he continued to add more lines, creating a geometric pattern that didn’t make sense at all - just like his mind.

“Maybe we can visit Lothal sometime soon,” Sabine said, genuine happiness in her voice as she voiced the thought.

Ezra’s hand dropped into his lap and he sighed. “What’s the point? I don’t remember it, and it won’t help me remember anything. At this point I don’t know if anything will.”

“Ezra…” the pain in Sabine’s voice weighed down on Ezra, but he couldn’t keep pretending things were going to get better. Because what if they didn’t? What if this was his life now? The sooner he accepted that, the better it would be.

A hand rested on his shoulder, but Ezra barely registered it. He did notice Sabine leaving the room however, and his spirits dipped even lower. Was she giving up on him too?

But then Sabine walked in a few moments later.

“I didn’t want to show this to you, it…it’s not the happiest part of your past but…I thought it might help you,” she said as she plugged a small disc into a projector.

An image flickered to lift and when Ezra turned to look at it, he froze. It was a family, a small one, just two parents and a child. But he knew without a doubt that the child was him. Which meant… “Are those my parents?”

“Yeah…I found this is your old house and cleaned it up a few years ago. As a birthday present.”

Silence spread out between them as Ezra studied the picture. Just looking at it made his chest constrict. He knew they were gone. Not from anything anyone had told him, but he knew it in his heart. If they were alive they would’ve been there with him right then, but they weren’t.

“I can’t even imagine what it must be like for you right now, Ezra. And I know it’s tempting to just…give up and accept that this is your lot in life. But you can’t give up, no matter how painful it is. You have to keep fighting, keep trying, because there is still hope. Lothal might not help, but one day something will, I know it will. Please don’t give up yet.”

Sabine’s words echoed around Ezra’s mind. He heard them, but it was hard to listen to them, to accept them. Then a hand rested on his.

“You always reminded me not to give up, to keep fighting, to confront things I…I didn’t want to confront. I know it’s hard, but you aren’t alone, Ezra. We are all here for you, and we will be here no matter what happens, okay?”

Ezra glanced up at Sabine and saw the absolute conviction and dedication in her eyes, she meant what she said. The smallest hint of a smile touched Ezra’s mouth and he nodded. “Okay.”

She returned the smile and then glanced at his painting and handed him a new color. “Want me to help you think of something to paint?”

A light laugh escaped Ezra’s mouth, it was forced, but even a forced laugh felt better than nothing. “Sure…and thanks, Sabine.”

“Anytime, Ezra. Anytime.”


End file.
